Superbowl Stabby

Reblogging: If Fatshionista can do it, I can too, right? I originally posted this on the Shapely Prose forum, and since I haven’t been posting much of late, recycling things I wrote before I had this blog is better than nothing, right?

I was supposed to be hosting a Superbowl party last night. Because of the massive snow, the “party” turned into me and the hubby watching the game and playing World of Warcraft. I mostly watch the Superbowl for the commercials, some of which were funny and awesome. Particularly the Budweiser clydesdale making friends with the cow. And everything about the house made of beer cans but the last bit with the girl in the shower.

Two ads in particular made me very very stabby*. FloTV and Dodge can both bite me. Because we all know that what every woman wants is a husband or boyfriend who she can control. Because we’re evil and heartless like that, and totally have all the power in the world.

The FloTV ad has a narrator talking about how this guy’s girlfriend has “removed his spine” and you see him go underwear shopping with her, advising her on what scent of candles to buy, etc., all when he really wants to be home watching the game. So, he should get a little TV so that he can watch football while he’s being dragged around by his mean, evil girlfriend.

I don’t know about you all, but I totally want a guy to follow me around like a puppy on a leash and have him jump when I snap. I mean, isn’t that every woman’s goal in the universe? /snark

The Charger one had the tagline of “Man’s Last Stand.” It featured a bunch of guys saying things like “I will be civil to your family…I will take out the trash.” etc. etc. etc. “And in return, I’ll drive whatever I want” (or words to that effect).

What’s especially stabby-pain inducing about the Charger one is that these guys are talking about what are mostly common decency relationship things (and things that *she’s* probably doing as well) as though they’re some kind of horrible slavery. Wow, you’ll be civil to my parents? Thanks ever so much, my knight in shining armor. And you’ll actually do some of the work of maintaining a household? I think I’m about to swoon. Oh, *and* you’ll resent everything you ever do for me deeply and bitterly, to the point where you figure your “sacrifice” is equal in value to a $25,000 car. That’s twoo wuv right there.

I think the combination of the two makes it even worse. On the one hand, an exaggerated portrayal of a woman keeping her guy so “whipped” that he’s helping her shop instead of watching the game he wants to watch. On the other, the idea that taking out the trash or not being rude to the woman’s family is some horrible sacrifice. Those two things go together, so a woman can’t even make a reasonable request, however small, without having to worry about slipping into “nagging controlling bitch” territory. And then be told that she has all the power. Gah.

*Both that this stuff gives me a stabbing pain and that it makes me want to stab something.

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